Peace" on repeat. Like, I've literally listened to the same sermon four times already and it's still on my phone. On top of that, my pastor, Bobby Pruitt, is now teaching a series on worry.
It is a rare occasion that God so very accurately hits me with a series of messages that seem specifically written for me and my current situation. I told my husband, Peter, that it's as though our pastor sat down and said, "Peter and Sarah are having a rough time, how can I help them out" instead of planning out his sermons a year in advance as I'm sure he does.
You see, Peter lost his job a week before Christmas. Only a couple of months after receiving a perfect performance review—only a month after the birth of our second child—he lost the job he'd loved and excelled at as long as I've known him. My security has been shaken. I feel as if our lives are irreparably broken. As strong as my confidence in Peter's talents is, my fear of the current job market is stronger.
Nevertheless, I know that my faith shouldn't be in either the job market or Peter's resume. My confidence should be in my God. I know this in the back of my mind; I just need to remember it more often. And so I've been listening to the same words over and over again from Bobby Pruitt and Tim Keller, hoping that the truth playing in my earbuds will be louder than my doubts.
I dont know whether this period of uncertainty will be long or short, hard or easy. I certainly dont know how it will all turn out except that I know it will ultimately be okay, because even in the worst case scenario, I know God will be with us. If we never have money again, God will provide for our real needs and our little girls will have the opportunity to grow up free from the distractions and temptations of wealth. On the other hand, if God blesses Peter with his dream job and we find riches beyond our wildest imaginations, I know that they will have come from Him and be for His service.
God has already blessed us generously and unexpectedly. For example, I found $800 in a bank account that I'd forgotten was still open or when my breast pump broke, Lansinoh replaced it for free. These material provisions are huge, but when I wake up in the early hours of the morning and the world seems dark and scary, I need to remember that God's given me the privilege of His presence and that's the only gift that will ever give me peace.